Saturday, 8 November 2014

Dealing With Friendship Feuds

dealing with friendship fights advice arguments
dealing with friendship fights advice arguments
Disclaimer: I've never had an argument with the lovely girls in this photo, they're my blogging besties!

The other day my boyfriend and our other flatmate had their first argument since living together. Okay, it wasn't really an argument, more like a alcohol fueled debate which ended in "What are we even arguing about again?", but it got me thinking about my own experiences where I've had an argument with a friend. It can be a horrible time. I'm massively stubborn but at the same time I'm sensitive, and things said or done during arguments do hurt me; like I'm sure things I've said or done during a fight have hurt others and it can be really hard to get back to normal once there's been a big row. Sometimes conflict between friends is unavoidable, but here are a few things I've learnt as I've matured about dealing with feuds with your nearest and dearest. 

-KNOW WHEN TO BACK DOWN-

If you're stuck in a back and forth with someone that is just as stubborn as you, it's important to know when to draw the line. Evaluate the situation and think to yourself whether this is an argument even worth having, it might be something silly that doesn't even matter to either of you. Don't think of it as losing the argument but instead making the mature decision to agree to disagree so things don't escalate.

-TALK TO EACH OTHER-

If you've had a fight with a friend or they've upset you in some way, the best thing to do is to communicate your feelings. Talking things out helps you both get to a solution quicker and suppressing your emotions with cause resentment and tension which is a recipe for disaster. Don't be afraid about speaking up, true friends will want to know if they've done something to upset you so you can mend the issue.

-DON'T GANG UP-

Would you like it if you were having a disagreement with one particular friend and then all your other friends took their side? No, you wouldn't, you'd feel like crap, so don't do it to other people. If within your friendship group you're having tension with one person, keep in between you and that person. I know it can be hard when you're in a group as the others want to know the gossip and you want someone to vent to, but it's better for everyone if you keep your thoughts about how horrible that other person is being to yourself until they blow over.

-KEEP CALM-

Nothing makes an argument ten times worse more than someone losing their rag and turning it into a shouting match. Keeping your temper under control will keep a disagreement at a level which is still an argument, but a controllable one; start screaming and it will become something harder to tame than a forest fire. It can be hard, but stay calm in conflict to ensure that the argument doesn't turn into something that your friendship can't recover from. 

-DON'T STAY BITTER-

If you've not 100% forgiven your friend for something, don't lie and say you have. For a good friendship you need to be honest about your emotions and that includes the negative ones. It doesn't make you a bad friend for being truthful about the fact you're still hurt, it makes you the bad friend if you're pretending to be all good again when you're really not; that's called being two faced. 

If you're stuck in a friendship feud, I hope this advice helps you to diffuse the situation and get your friendship back on the right track. If you ever have any questions or want advice about anything, feel free to tweet me (@catherineywy) or email me (catdelves@gmail.com), I'd be more than happy to try and help!

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4 comments

  1. Such good tips - I'm totally with you on the whole stubborn-but-sensitive thing!

    Drea xo
    Drea's Junkyard

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  2. Such a lovely post, definitely not nice to gang up so no one should do it- it's not a sign of looking out for someone it's just plain nasty :) xx

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  3. Awww I love that photo of us! We have to have a reunion soon. Great post, such good advice.

    Can't wait to have a proper catch up,


    X Emma | www.missemmacharlotte.com

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  4. I have a 'friend' that I just can't get passed old resentment, so to me sometimes it's not worth it to stay friends when you getting nothing positive from the relationship. Great post!

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